if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
