I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
