i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
