Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize