It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
