Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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