I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Randomize
