If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
