It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
