What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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