I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
