You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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