i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
