i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
