If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
