and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
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