he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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