Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
