Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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