Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
