worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
