Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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