Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
