can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
