His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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