Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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