so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
