God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize