Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
