I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
