I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
She is in my trunk
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
