just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
