some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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