i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
