Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I need a hoe opinion
go on
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
