Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
