At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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