Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
