I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
