You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
