i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
