So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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