Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
