So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
