It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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