I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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