i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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