Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
