hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
please come you make the beer taste better
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
