Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
