So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
