Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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