Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize