They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
