There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize