That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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