tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
