I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
