he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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