Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize