I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I believe in your delicious
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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