the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
