He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
