Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
me + whiskey = a bad person
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
