I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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