PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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