She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
