you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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