so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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