Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
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