Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize