Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
