Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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